Morfin's Mindless Meanderings

Ok, spent too much time thinking about "Return of the King." Inspired the following satire by me, putting Denethor in the role of George W. Bush (the "shrub").


If the War of the Ring had Been Fought like the "War" on Terror

3009 - Nazgul crashes into Tower of Ecthelion. Denethor declares national crises.

3011 - Denethor enacts Numenorian Act. All non-Numenorian descendent peoples must register with Tower Guards. Each ring of Minas Tirith must spy on the ring below them. Gondorian Security Council begins use of spyware to listen in on Palantir communication.

3013 - Nazgul traced to Minas Morgul, obviously funded by Sauron of Mordor. Denethor orders attack on Saruman of Isengard.

3015. Theoden refuses safe passage of Gondorian Army through Rohan. Denethor fortifies border, sends army up Anduin, through Fangorn.

3016 - Fangorn forest logging rights given to Dol Halliburton. Gondorian army quickly advances through clearcut to vale of Isengard.

3017 - Siege of Isengard. Denethor promises quick end to siege.

3018 - Siege continues.

3019 - Rising discontent in Gondor over length of siege. Many people declared "under the Shadow" through Numenorian act rulings and placed in stockade in ruins of Osgiliath.

3020 - Isengard falls. The Wizard's Vale occupied by Gondor army. Saruman escapes. Dol Halliburton given contract to rebuild ring of Isengard.

3021 - Nazgul crashes into Orthanc. Lothlorien intelligence traces Nazgul back to Sauron of Morder. Denethor accuses Galadriel of profiteering from trade with Mordor.

3023 - Orcs harass occupying Gondorian Army in Isengard. Search begins for Saruman near the Gladden Fields.

3024 - The West, alarmed by Denethor's growing dementia, calls council in Rivendell. Aragorn called upon to pursue claim to Gondor throne. Gandalf becomes Aragorn's advisor.

3025 - Sauron begins massive arms buildup along border of Mordor. Denethor dismisses reports as fabrications of Rohirrim sympathizers and evokes trade pact with Mordor.

3026 - Denethor declares Gandalf an enemy of Gondor and "under the Shadow." Calls for his immediate arrest if ever found in Gondorian territories. Gandalf issues reply "I've lived for thousands of years, single-handedly defeated a Balrog, and striven against the forces of Sauron when you were still hurling at drunken frat parties at Amroth Tech. Bring it on, you little wad of orc dung."

3027 - Rumours of outrages by Dol Halliburton advisors throughout the vale of Isengard and West Emnet of Rohan. Denethor states that the West Emnet must be occupied by Gondorian forces for security purposes. Theoden calls upon Lords of the West for help. Aragorn leads Really Last Alliance of Elves, Men, Dwarves, and People of Little Stature south to contest Denethor and claim throne.

3028 - People of Gondor hail Aragorn as rightful king of Gondor as he passes Gap of Rohan, defeating combined army of Gondor and Dol Halliburton. Denethor refuses to vacate Stewardship and calls upon Great Council of Gondor to decide issue.

3029 - Great Council, all appointed by Denethor, rules Aragorn ineligible for throne due to residency requirement.

3030 - Armies of the West and Gondor meet in battle in south Gondor.

3031 - Battle ends with last Gondorian army defeated. Fertile regions of Gondor laid waste and much famine follows. Denethor declares victory in Minas Tirith while setting fire to royal palace.

3032 - Aragorn arrives at Pelennor Field. Minas Tirith in flames as Sauron launches army of orcs and trolls long in preparation. Depleted Army of the West overrun by Sauron's forces. Kingdom of Gondor comes to an end. Sauron declares victory.

3033 - Nazgul crashes into Caras Galadhon.

Coming out of my deep bunker to venture into LJ for the first time in ages. I found this test on Poppy Brite's LJ. I'm a little surprised how I turned out. Granted, I've joked the past few years about being a socialist, but never expected to test as one. I wonder how many socialists are also gun nuts? I've always said I'm not a moderate, since I have almost no positions that could be called middle of the road. I tend to the extremes. Ban all corporations, make it legal to carry guns everywhere, that kind of range. Thoughtful, reasoned opinions taking all positions into account and arriving at a consensus isn't my thing :)

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (11% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Texas, having a fooked Democrat party, not only had a primary today but there are also caucases today to pick about 1/3 of the delegates (don't ask me why, it just don't make sense). So Martha and I went and did the caucus thing to support Obama.

It started slow. The chairman got up and gave along boring history speech about what had happened in the past that got us to this point tonight. Then one old guy got up to give a report about why he had been detained recently. When it finally got time to discuss the business at hand, a big argument broke out between the elves and dwarves present that threatened to disrupt the entire meeting. Finally one of the strange short dudes spoke up and offered to take the ring to get rid of it. Fine with me, I have no taste for walking all over the map in the front of the book.

Actually, it was interesting. Rather than 6 people to caucus from the previous election we had like 93. Closely divided 49-44 Clinton-Obama. They got 7 delegates, we got 6 to send to the county meeting at the end of the month. The good news was finding out that all our neighbors on our street, and the one behind us, are Democrats. Except for the Republicans next door who's son is being held for murder. Rather surprising about all the democrats around us, as this county is EXTREMELY Republican.